This post is about how much I feel overfull with all the things I should do but postpone them for later. Like today. I was so supercharged to do lot of work but instead I ended just with small paper containing one big fat to-do list. When I ask myself why – I can’t see any particular reason only the feeling that I have little time to accomplish all my obligatory work. This feeling is with me all the time since I wake up every day. It undermines my confidence and mind clarity. I don’t know how to get rid of it. Even when I have a productive day in the end next morning I feel the same.
I tried a lot of things to ignore the feeling or somehow erase it. For instance I compared lot of software for time scheduling, used diaries, calendars, emails, to-do lists, gtd, zentodone strategies but no success. I never stopped to feel overwhelmed just for a day last two years even when I travel. How it’s possible to fit so much things I like between all I have to do? Lot of answers to this question is just choose the important stuff. But what if there is just important stuff left? Is this a psychic problem? On the other hand this feeling is inspiration for me to write, play and to compose. What if there is a way how to do only things you like?
I always think negative about things. I don’t understand how you can pretend to feel happy or how to tune yourself in optimistic mood if the reality in your eyes is raw cold and perceptible. The cause forms consequence and no miracles come inside the play. That is how it works for me. Just hard work and nothing is for free or happens in the way I want without the cause.
But what if we create the reality. What if this whole world is a projection of our own minds. If the mind creates the reality our eyes only see something in the mirror of our own mind. This premise works as the information we absorb from reality certainly forms our mind. This could lead to situations people like me see all the time. I know lot of people who believe in themselves. As they create their own reality they are able to pass exams or get nice opportunities without effort. And they don’t know how. And I know people scared that something goes wrong so badly that they transform this fear to reality which leads to feel unhappy or wrong. If someone really believes in something he does is it possible to be unhappy? And vice versa is there possibility to be happy if you create the reality with obstacles that make you unhappy?
Ok now comes the funny part. How to make yourself believe in yourself? If this is the way how to change your reality you have to change your mind. This is the only place you can bend yourself as the reality is only the projection you can’t work with. The mind can be changed but it doesn’t have immediate results. You must concentrate on change on the feel that you want to change constantly. Concentrate on something there you want to happen or something you want to posses.
And I want to slow down my time live my life and not just linger on. I believe in some kind of my own inner meditation and I experienced that if I concentrate on small things like walking, or eating slowly and decompose routine actions in smaller steps I feel like I slowed down. But If I feel overwhelmed it is hard to stay on this way. I’m fixed in the reality where I make problems for myself that keeps me on my knees. I don’t believe that I can handle my current stack load. I even keep myself in world where I believe the society is twisted and people are slaves of money and work. If this world is made by my past myself I don’t like to end like this. And as this is constantly in my mind. It will probably happen. But not if I would like to work to create. I love to create things. All sort of things. And if I will believe in myself I will create something big in my mind and put it in my reality. And I start right now.
ARE YOU WITH ME?
Hi this is probably the first birthday present you get this year. I composed you a little song (so little that it took me almost six days of hard work) and anyone here is encouraged to listen. I wish you only the best .. so live long and prosper my friend! Looking forward to see you. What about this weekend?
